I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize