Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
