I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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