Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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