We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
