Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize