My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
last night I used snow as a chaser
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