The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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