please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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