roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You have to summon your inner elephant
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize