If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
