I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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