maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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