Little spoons don't ask big questions
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
