don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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