My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
