I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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