Little spoons don't ask big questions
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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