I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
