Betty ford says i'm here all night
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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