thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize