our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
