i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I would fuck him just for his dog
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
