I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
