Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
