We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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