Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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