at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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