you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
