U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
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