The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
