Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
