I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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