im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
