Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
