Only a mothe r could love this liver
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
im holly from the hills drunk
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
