I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
