I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
