He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize