Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i think i have two assholes
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
