I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
where does the pee come out of this thing
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
