Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
