We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize