Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
