If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
