I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
