Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
