There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
