so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
