If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
