what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
