Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
