Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It's official drugs can't kill me
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
