I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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