its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
