Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize