Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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