we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
