There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
