my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
