I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I am spending my child support on dildos
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
