did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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