Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
