Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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