Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
