I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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