I'm really into asian looking animals
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
